If you want to press my button, just start zoning out while I’m bearing my soul. Or interrupt me with Call Waiting while I’m sharing the best part of my story.
This is not just a pet peeve that I’m disclosing. It hits at the core of something much deeper. Like my self-worth; the feeling of being invisible or that I don’t matter. Admittedly, it’s one of my bigger buttons, delivered regularly by the school of life. I’m working on it – doing my best to reduce the charge (breathe, hang in there, allow…) when it rears its ugly head.
Even if you don’t share my “not being heard” pain, you might find some value in the article (excerpted below) I found recently on Oprah.com. It does help shed light on how we communicate (or perceive communication).
How to Talk So People Really Listen: 4 Ways To Make Yourself Heard by Tim Jarvis
Ever feel as if you’re speaking with the mute button on? Here’s how to get people to listen.
Didn’t you explain how to hand-dry the sweater? What part of “trim” did the hair-hacking stylist not understand? And weren’t you the one who first brought up the idea that just flew from your colleague’s lips and is now “the most genius thing” your boss has ever heard?
Some people, it seems, could command attention while reciting a list of fertilizer chemicals; others are ignored no matter what they have to say. “There’s a whole skill set involved in being heard,” says John Gray, PhD, author of Why Mars and Venus Collide. It all starts with noticing how others are reacting to you. A few talking points:
1. When you’re trying to be helpful, do others avoid making eye contact with you? Do they interrupt or show little interest in your point of view? You may be coming across as a know-it-all, or your advice could sound like criticism, Gray says. Eventually people may stop listening to your ideas altogether. Next time you have a suggestion, try asking, “Would you like to know what I think?” Or “I have a different perspective—would you like to hear it?” … Read full article
– Excerpted from “How to Talk so That People Really Listen,” by Tim Jarvis.
