Lost and Found in Letting Go

“An organized clutter of thoughts consumed me – pulled me through the fog of grief that had settled….and then the memorial was done.  There was nothing left to organize, nothing left to do…”

Recently I was invited to guest-blog for a week on DrGreene.com. As part of my series on cultivating spacious detachment, I included an article I’d written about my experience at a two-week meditation retreat in Greece called “Minding the Chatter Clears Clutter.“

I was so moved by one of the comments I received by one of my readers, that I asked her if I could reprint it to share with you all here. This story illustrates “the monkey mind” to perfection: what the mind does when faced with a difficult or stressful situation (usually not too elegantly) – and how we come to peace with it in the end.

Here it is. Thank you, Beverly!

“Learning spacious detachment was forced upon me this past summer. I am not sure of the time frame, but it was somewhere between two and three weeks.

I was thrust into a situation within seconds, where the thoughts were coming fast and furious. Auto pilot took over and organized those thoughts into list form — much the same as if you were creating a grocery list. Having this mental list organized into point form allowed me to do the things I needed to do.

The situation? The passing of my mother.

Although things happened really fast, we had been preparing for this time for over a year, so it really was not a surprise to any of us, but the swiftness of the moment still took us all by surprise, and then things needed to be done.

You can go, we will be ok – please don’t go I am not ready for this – I have to be strong to hold up my brother, my father, my children – I need to get a list of people to call – I need to call people – I need to make the arrangements – I need to plan the memorial luncheon – I will make things my mother liked – I need to clean the house – I need to write a eulogy – I cannot speak at the memorial – I need to focus – I just need to get through the memorial… I just need to get through the memorial… I just need to get through the memorial” An organized clutter of thoughts consumed me — pulled me through the fog of grief that had settled….and then the memorial was done.  There was nothing left to organize, nothing left to do…

With the memorial over I sat outside, allowing the summer breeze to soften the thoughts of my mind… and as I sat my mind did go blank… no thoughts, no lists, just silence — it really was heaven. When I came into the house several hours had passed, when it had felt like it had only been a few minutes – my first spacious detachment.

In the (almost) 8 months since my mother’s passing, and with the heavy fog of grief lifted, I have visited that quiet space of no time, on several occasions. Although the time spent there is not as long as it was the very first time, it is no less healing, no less glorious, no less heaven.”

– By Beverly Richardson (aka Truddle)