“Rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”
–JK Rowling, Harvard Commencement Address.
I’ve written scads on the subject of how our living spaces are affected by human emotions. Left unchecked, highly-charged negative thoughts and feelings have a way of sticking around. Literally.
So what do you do when a loved one hits rock bottom in your home?
What do you do when a torrent of unconscious and unprocessed pain has made its way into the nooks and crannies, walls and crevices of your home, head, and heart?
Even if this is not your experience, you might find my reply to a similar question illuminating for general clearing purposes.
Question:
Hi Stephanie
I need to ask for your advice and help. It is a long story, but we just spent a rather harrowing weekend at our house helping an old friend detox from acute alcoholism.
We feel that the house has some really bad energy stuck in it. All the ugliness of addiction, blame, loss, heartbreak and bitterness seems to be still in our beautiful home. We were wondering if you had some ideas on how we could encourage it to move on. Are there some things we can do as amateurs? We want to open all the windows and let all the air out.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
My reply:
First I just want to say how sorry I am to hear about your friend. The pain she is going through, and the pain you are feeling as her support network sounds almost unbearable.
The good news (and I always see the silver lining in these things) is that she’s finally hit rock bottom. It makes me think of something JK Rowling’s said in her commencement address at Harvard a few years ago: “Rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” May your friend find the inner strength she needs to come back into balance, heal, and flourish.
Now to your question about how to love-up your beautiful home which has been hammered by an intense emotional squall.
My best advice for clearing anything that doesn’t serve and support us – from an annoying hairball to a living nightmare – is, first and foremost, to not go into fear. Fear is like adding fuel to a fire.
If you can remember that what you’re dealing with is a case of chaotic energies (that are not “yours” remember) that could use some smoothing out (vs. “bad” energies that need “getting ridding of”) – then all will be well.
Acting out of worry, fear, or attachment to an outcome will not make a dent in clearing the stuckness and quieting the noise.
As for what you can do to lighten your load, I recommend adopting a daily diet of “Stephanie’s Five S’s”
- Slow down
- Simplify
- Sense
- Surrender
- Self-Care
Yes, it looks like all internal work as opposed to what you do for the space. That’s because our spaces are not separate from us. And anything we do to quiet the mind and restore our spirit has a direct impact on our living spaces.
When you feel yourself going into fear (overwhelm, fight-or-flight), my best advice is to slow down and simplify. Choose ease. When you dial it down, it is easier to tune into what is needed to bring your home back into balance. You may be drawn to opening the windows and let some air in, playing soft music, lighting a candle, for example. Or you may be drawn to tuning in and asking your home what it needs. Allow the answers to reveal themselves via your six senses of smell, taste, touch, sight, hearing, and inner knowing, and act on these cues. You will know what to do.
After you’ve set your intentions and begun to act upon them slowly and mindfully, the next powerful step in clearing is to let go of attachment to the outcome; to surrender. Surrender doesn’t mean giving up. It means getting out of the way and allowing Divine Intelligence to take over. It means knowing that you did the very best you could to help your friend. It means accepting things as they are and taking nothing personally. (You can read more about compassionate detachment and “being the observer” in my book beginning on page 127).
And finally self-care. When humans feel safe, they are more inclined to let go. Doing something for yourself that feels really good every day goes a long way to clearing your space from the inside out. Take a walk, cook an aromatic and nourishing meal, take a hot salt and soda bath or shower. (You can see some of my favorite practices on how to cultivate self-care beginning on page 151 of my book).
There’s is one thing I reach for to support me in my space clearing work that is not mentioned in my book. It’s called “Nag Champa” – a very pure Sandlewood incense that you can buy at Whole Foods. Comes in a blue box. It is very calming, does a great job of lightening the energies, and smells really great.
Finally I’ll just say that the more “S’s” you can fold into your life, the lighter you are going to feel. As as you feel lighter so will all those with whom you are connected – including and especially your friend. That, in a nutshell, is the magic of clearing.
I hope this helps. Let me know how it goes!
Stephanie
