“It just ain’t possible to explain some things. It’s interesting to wonder on them and do some speculation, but the main thing is you have to accept it – take it for what it is and get on with your growing.”–Jim Dodge.
Love this message by Jim Dodge, and sometimes, if you’re like me, it’s easier said than done.
Just how do we get on with our growing when we’re mired in stress and stuff? How do we keep our equanimity when things don’t work out, make sense, or add up? How do we just surrender to accepting things as they are?
I have found a simple way to unhinge the part of the mind that has to know; has to fix; has to be right. It is one of the best tools I know on how to dis-identify and detach, which I share below in this excerpt from Your Spacious Self. Enjoy!
[p.s. If you find this message helpful, please forward it to someone else (or share, like, tweet, pin… ) and let’s build the clearing energy together that will help to lighten all of our loads!]While I waited for a jump start from AAA and realized that I was not going to make my much-needed appointment with my physical therapist, I posted this on Facebook: “Be-ing with the fact that my car wouldn’t start this morning.” Did I mention that I had made this appointment months earlier and it was really hard to get?
A kind soul quickly added her empathic comment below mine: “You must be noticing the feeling that you really, really want to scream right now, right??”
Truth be told, what I was really noticing were the choices I had in this situation. Screaming was definitely one of them. Despair tinged with poor me was another.
Instead I opted for the “I choose ease” approach. I surprised even myself. No buttons got pressed at all.
This is progress.
Being With
Practicing non-identification invites you to shift your focus. By reframing what you perceive as “yours,” you can begin to change your entire relationship with a stressful pattern.
One of the ways you can practice dis-identifying with the physical and emotional weather patterns in your life is to simply shift how your language and thoughts around them. When you can remember to do it, try replacing the subject pronoun “I” with the demonstrative pronoun “This.” For instance, “I have a headache,” becomes, “This is a headache.” “I’m afraid of failing” becomes, “This is fear of failure,” “I’m sad” becomes, “This is sadness,” and so on.
It may seem rather simplistic, but as one who favors simple solutions, I have found that this tool, combined with a regular diet of Softening Attitudes, is as powerful a way as any to provide an immediate shift in focus and relief.
Clearing Practice
This practice invites you to take a conscious step back from an uncomfortable thought or belief. [Psst, if you’re dealing with a lifetime of pain and struggle, or the issue at hand holds a lot of charge, the monkey mind is probably not going to like it. Accepting things as they are when we’re holding on for dear life doesn’t always go down too well. This is why it’s called a clearing practice.]
REFRAMING WITH “THIS IS”
The next time you notice yourself mouthing off another negative thought, catch yourself and replace the “I” statement with “This is…” For example:
- I couldn’t sleep again last night could be: “This is exhaustion,” “This is weariness…”
- I’m sick of being everyone’s slave – picking up after everyone could be: “This is frustration,” “This is despair.”
- The coffee tastes old: “This is old coffee.”
- The dog peed on the carpet again: “This is dog pee.”
- The Republicans (Democrats) are screwing us over: “This is worry for our future.”
- The world is going to hell in a hand-basket: “This is fear.”
After you detach in this way, notice if it brings up any emotional weather and feel it fully and completely. The degree to which you allow yourself to feel the resistance (shame, guilt, pain), will dictate how quickly the weather system passes.
–Excerpted from Chapter 29, “Accept” – Your Spacious Self: Clear the Clutter and Discover Who You Are by Stephanie Bennett Vogt
Hierophant Publishing © 2012 – All Rights Reserved
Art Credit: “Just Roll With It” – Source Unknown
